My thoughts brought me back to my childhood, schools,
college and jobs. My mind recalled faces of my own family growing up, close and
distant relatives, friends, bosses and
co-workers. Pastors and fellow believers flashed before my mind’s eye as I
purged whatever perceptions I had ever held of being “let down” by anyone. And it didn’t stop there. There were also all the institutions
and organizations that had, in my view, let me down when I had counted on them
for something or some vague idea of an expectation or outcome.
Deflection of responsibility? Entitlement mentality? Call it
what you wish but all of us reflect on these disappointments. And they hold us
back. They snare us in the past. They take our spirit hostage. They are food for self pity and self
deification.
I’m on the list of those who have let others down. Maybe
even you who are reading this. Despite my best intentions, I have let many
down. We are all human, lazy, distracted and often self absorbed. We tend to care for ourselves first.
Try it some time – to forgive
everyone or thing that has ever let you down. Start from the beginning and
be honest. When you go through the list and run out of faces there will
be one left who, if it has been revealed to you as a Christian, stands alone without blame. That is Jesus. If
you chose to blame Jesus, however, well then you may be entering the “self-pity” zone.
I needed that retreat day to truly reveal to me the ABSOLUTE
DEPENDABILITY of Jesus. He has truly never let me down. And here’s the real
kicker – I’ve been very wrong to depend on others and so very remiss by not depending
on Him, the One who is truly dependable and worthy of the most intimate of
relationships.
Why have I been this way?
In the days that followed that retreat I struggled with the
realization of my relative in-dependence of Jesus and over-dependence on other things. Lo and behold, out of
the blue, a “movie” was re-introduced to me.
“Good Will Hunting” won 2 Academy Awards in 1998. Aside from
its unfortunately gratuitous coarse language, the movie has a message of
redemption. There is an exchange between Will Hunting (played
by Matt Damon) and his Therapist (played by Robin Williams) in which Will is
asked how his relationship with a girl is going and Will says words to this
effect, “It’s perfect right now and I don’t want to ruin it.” What is
implied is that Will doesn’t want to get more intimate for fear that the
reality of who she is (imperfect) and who he is (imperfect) will be a tragic
disappointment and the end of their budding courtship. By taking no risk he
avoids what he fears and we all know that he will miss out on the adventure of life. To quit is to take charge of the outcome by guaranteeing
that there is no outcome at all – good or bad. What he misses is the
possibility of the good through risk and stepping up and out into the unknown,
the uncertain, on faith and belief.
"Now
faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.” ~ Hebrews 11:1
But we are all imperfect and we know it. We say it in
generic ways and we proclaim our imperfections with a chorus from our lips at
church. But this is intimate stuff at its core and we don’t always practice
what we profess with our lips. In private we shrink from His presence as if the
words of Psalm 139 didn’t apply to us;
“O Lord, You have searched me and known
me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar
off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my
ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it
altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Such
knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it. Where can I
go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into
heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I
take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even
there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me.” (NKJV verses 1-10)
And our imperfection shames us and our pride prevents us
from approaching the Throne of Life that calls us to come as imperfect as we
are. And still we shy away.
Bang! There it is; the fundamental essence of it. Jesus never
fails and TAKES ME AS I AM. I cannot clean myself up enough. There is no way I
can let Him down. With all my shame and all my weakness and all my faults – I
am taken as I am. He is THE power, He is my power and He gives me authority
over what ever tries to stand between me and Him.
But we don’t let Him in, and we don’t rely on Him. We try and then we fall back to relying,
instead, on an imperfect world and on imperfect people with all their good
intentions who cannot help but let us down.
That which we truly depend on is what we give power to over the outcome.
What do you depend on? Is it yourself? Someone else? A job?
A boss? A university? A business? A career? A formula? A diet? An organization? A title? Do any of these truly
accept you as you are? What do they want from you? Do they have all power to perform? Can they guarantee an outcome? Jesus does.
I’m tired of hiding behind, transferring ownership to and placing my expectations on what
is imperfect. I need to remember this daily and to truly let everyone off the hook
and simply love them while I embrace the only One I need to and should rely upon - JESUS.
Jesus knows the end from the beginning and He does all
things well.
Blessings,
Bill
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