What A Gossip Won't Tell You

Listen. I've got to tell you something that's really been bothering me. Now this is just between you and me. Please don't utter a word of it to anyone else. It's just that I'm really concerned. I'm not a gossip or anything and what I'm going to tell you - well, the person I'm going to tell you about - is someone I truly love and respect. They are a brother in the faith after all and I don't want you to get me wrong - BUT ...

God is faithful to lead us to the Truth about things. His Word is a treasure trove of wisdom. The other day He brought me to Proverbs 20:19. You know how sometimes a familiar verse explodes with deeper meaning? Well, that's what happened. The verse is about refraining from dealing with "Gossips" – but the lesson I was to learn in meditation on that verse was about a whole lot more.

We have all been "overtaken" by a gossip episode. It's a temptation. Once entangled we can't wait to get out of its web. It’s a human weakness and satan uses gossip very skillfully to ruin people, relationships and organizations. We’ve all been drawn into or have witnessed a gossip episode that was divisive, wrong and God-less. We know that whatever we tell another “in confidence” will be retold “in confidence” because we have all done it ourselves. Every Christian knows that there is nothing new under the sun and that we all share the same sin nature and sin struggles. It’s universal. If you were born you will experience what everyone else experiences – you will be drawn into a gossip or be wounded by one. You will tell another what you “really” think of another person whom you have flattered to their face. What does the Bible say? 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man."

Maybe you or I were lucky when we fell into the temptation of a “gossip” and the smear ran its course without us being revealed as complicit in its perpetuation. God saw it. Maybe you were exposed and the damage to your reputation ruined a relationship or invalidated your testimony for a long season. Maybe you are still not speaking with that person or those persons and the wounds are still raw. Perhaps those wounds will never heal (which is the subject of another contemplation ...).

We all get caught up in gossip when we do not quench it at its birth. Neutral silence is not neutral at all – it is tacit approval. In Proverbs 6:12-19 (NKJV) God lists six and then seven things that He hates; “A worthless person, a wicked man, walks with a perverse mouth; he winks with his eyes, he shuffles his feet, he points with his fingers; perversity is in his heart, he devises evil continually, he sows discord. Therefore his calamity shall come suddenly; suddenly he shall be broken without remedy. These six things the Lord hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies and one who sows discord among brethren.” What the Bible is describing here, in my opinion, is the “instigator” of gossip, the agent of satan of whom we need to be watchful. And we need to watchful of the impulse for it in ourselves.

Something in our flesh derives a measure of self esteem from being able to tell someone else something they don’t know that excites them about another human being - A TALE. You see, we would all do well to follow the wisdom of 2 Corinthians 10:12 which states, “for we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.”  We derive false self-esteem from such comparisons and relativist behavior and thinking.

Without complete trust and harmony with God we are all desperately insecure. With that insecurity as a subtle lever our adversary pries open our mind and suggests that security can be had by betraying a confidence or by undermining another. We bring this betrayal like a precious gem to others who gladly accept it as a sort of gift. And so sin infiltrates our mind through an insecure heart egged-on by an agent of satan who serves as instigator. A weak relationship with God causes us to grasp at acceptance from the crowd of people around us and in that arena we will be tempted to offer up on the altar of social acceptance whatever tidbits that a gossip can use to weave discord.

Leading up to the revelation in Proverbs 20:19 are three verses I would like to present;

Proverbs 11:13 (NKJV) A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.

Proverbs 16:28 (NKJV) A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends.

Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV) Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

You don’t generally see or hear a lot about the topic of gossip unless there is a problem with it. I’ve witnessed gossiping storms that have swept in and resulted in church splits and the complete demise of churches. A house divided against itself will not stand and often goes up in flames sparked by gossip or urged into an inferno by an arsonist's accelerant of gossip. I’ve witnessed people driven to literally accusing their brethren of being possessed by satan and demons in their spiral of gossip and denial of gossip as they run to cover their complicity in the spreading of gossip gone wild. It is cowardly, deceitful and makes greater cowards out of those who succumb to it. It is satan’s most exquisite tool to alienate us one from another. Oh how gossip leads to the isolation and persecution of innocents. There is no forgiveness or love to be found in gossip; only insinuation, fabrications, exaggerations and hurt.  

And so we come to Proverbs 20:19. (I have been using text references from the New King James Version (NKJV) of the Bible here because I found a greater depth to the wisdom conveyed by Proverbs 20:19 in this version that is somehow not illuminated in the other translations I studied. So, to be consistent, I have stayed with the NKJV throughout.)

Proverbs 20:19 (NKJV) states; “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; Therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips.”

Did I read that right - especially the second part? So there it is. Phrasing it in my own words; A gossiper will betray a confidence and broadcast what is heard without a care for any damage it may do. SO – don’t hang around with or confide in such a person who uses flattery to disarm you in order to draw information from you that he will use to sow discord.  Fair enough?

Key here is the use of the word “flattery” which comes from the Hebrew root “Pathah” meaning; to delude, allure, deceive, entice, flatter, persuade or ally in a sinister way.

The warning is clear; certainly steer clear of gossipers but therefore and most importantly steer clear of flatterers because they are the instigators of gossip. If someone starts telling you how great you are – RED FLAGS – GOSSIP INSTIGATOR ALERT! Most of us are not of this two-fold personality but we allow ourselves to get caught up in the schemes of those who are and we become complicit in their treachery.

So gossipers are not always just gossipers and blabbermouths. Deceitful people can come disguised as flatterers. Gossiping and flattery are not, apparently, mutually exclusive traits according to God – they go together. Don’t trust flatterers. Flatterers may be gossipers. These are sowers of division and dissent. Don’t associate with them. Who do you know who has flattered you in a disarming way and has used your pride to draw information from you? Who tells you how great you are AND THEN asks you what you think about somebody else or some situation or your position on some issue? Who tells you how great you are and then adds how under-appreciated you are and then makes a statement about what they think about someone or something to whom you in your self-gloating silence send a message of tacit agreement? Cut them off.

I wish I could say that I have a perfect record with regard to gossip but I do not. And the same goes with the power of flattery on my ego. My pride is susceptible to the prying lever of flattery.

Genuine commendation, appreciation and affirmation is not flattery. Such input can be positive, reassuring and encouraging when it is offered forth WITHOUT STRINGS ATTACHED. Because when strings are attached - those strings will bind you.

A gossiper won't tell you any of this ... !

Blessings,

Bill